My wife Erin and I have two beautiful daughters. When our youngest daughter was little she would sometimes get a bit of an attitude when asked to do certain chores. Instead of obeying, she would work herself up to the point of getting upset. We would then have to discipline her and let her know that her behavior was unacceptable, but we didn’t stop there.

We wanted her to know that being upset and having a bad attitude was not true to who she really was. You see, our daughter was and still is, a sweet and loving girl who truly wants to do good, but she was letting her emotions get the best of her. So we would remind her that the attitude she was having was not like her. We began to give her positive reinforcement by telling her how sweet she really was and that her current attitude did not reflect that. What were we doing? We were giving her an expectation to live up to. We could have simply said, “Why are you so angry when you have to do something? All you do is get upset when we ask you to do chores! Stop being an angry person!” But that would not have given her a good reputation to live up to. It would have given her the wrong expectation. She would have grown up thinking she was an angry person and that could have turned into a perception of herself that she accepted. We made sure we spoke about her positive traits to her, not negative ones. The great thing is that now that she has grown older she has started to live up to the expectation we kept reinforcing in her. This positive expectation was so engrained in her over the years that now when she has a slip up and starts to get upset, we can just look at her and she will say, “I know, that’s not who I am.”

Leaders see potential in others even when others don’t see potential in themselves. The more a leader can draw out that potential the farther they can take their people. German writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, “Treat a man as he is, he will remain so. Treat a man the way he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can be and should be.” 

Always reward what you want repeated. If someone does a great job in their performance, leaders make sure they acknowledge that person’s effort. That acknowledgment lets the person know what the leader and the organization expect.

I remember a friend of mine lifting me up and telling me what an impact I had made in his life.  He shared with me his appreciation for the positive attitude he saw in me which, in turn, challenged him to live a more effective and encouraging life. What did his words of affirmation do for me? They probably had even more of an impact on my life than the impact I was able to have on him! I wanted to be even more positive when I was around my friend in order to live up to that great compliment.

If you want to give someone hope, give them an expectation they can aspire to reach.